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you still there?

thee impossible has happened…

…

don’t worry.
you may think you’ll "never" get over it.
but you also thought it would last "forever".

 

 

———————

 

Im doing pretty good…

 

…..he is my kiss-in-the-rain,
my dance-with no music-guy.
he is my kiss-on-the-forehead,
i-love-you, sweet-dreams-goodnight.
he is the never-want-to-be-without-you
kind of thing; im living the dream
every girl wants to live

 

 

so what’s missing?

bittersweet memories

Im going to Florida in exactly two weeks…

Im excited but nervous…

Plane rides…make me lose my breath…

Its surreal to be back on a plane…

All the memories are going to be bittersweet…

I hope to love Florida half as much as i did California…

 

 

Fireworks…..hhhh….

 

I hate how things can sneak up on you….

I can only imagine how it sucks to lose control to dreams…

 

 

Florida…vacation….yeah…

I’ll miss everyone…but i shall return…

Then school will be starting again..permanent friends again…

 

a letter…

Dear You,
You’re probably thinking I’ve forgotten all about you by now, but that’s far from it. I have missed you every waking day and my heart still hurts, but I’m getting better. I continue to smile and still go on without you. I know I have missed you, but I have kept it all inside of me, only for me to know. I still wonder about what youre doing, how you are, what we used to talk about, to the laugh in your voice. Just, everything. I miss it all.

However, I feel that the parting of us was for the best, because everything happens for a reason. Should destiny put us into a crossing road in the future, that is when I will see you again.

Until then, remember this; No matter what, even through the screaming fights, the disagreements, mistakes and the tears we’ve cried; though I saw this as a possible outcome, I took the risk and gave you my all.

Never, ever, did I give up on you. Do not give up on yourself. Believe. Anything is possible. And if you ever need a helping hand, do not hesitate to ask. I may be far away, but I will always be in reach.

 

Always,

Me

Que sera sera…

It’s the worst feeling in the world to love & hate someone all at the same time. And it’s hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. It’s funny but stupid how you want everything & nothing at the same time. It’s crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on, & when you want to move on but you’re stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go & you can’t decide what you want. When you have so many things to say but you don’t know where to start. W hen you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them farther & farther away. It’s so hard to think back to how things used to be & look at it now and realize that things are different & they may never be the same. You tell yourself it’s not worth it, but if it really didn’t matter, you wouldn’t spend so much time thinking about it.

 

 

Maybe that’s just growing up. When you’re young, you tell yourself things like, "Well, if it didn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be," as if that actually meant something just because it sounds like it does. I think you can say something like that so blithely because you expect to stumble onto something else just as wonderful just around the next bend in the road. But people are rare, unique things and just because everyone really does live a life full of farewells, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t at least realize what it really means to say goodbye to something that meant everything. Just because you will survive and get over it doesn’t mean you should let it go.

 

Promise me. That’s all I want. Just promise that you’ll never forget me. Tell me I changed you somehow. Let me know that I had an impact on your life. Promise me that you’ll always remember me. Losing you was hard enough, but I don’t want to go on knowing I mean absolutely nothing to you.

 

its the way we stay up past twelve;
telling each other how much we love one another.

Those nights when you can’t sleep,
it might be because you’re awake
in someone else’s dreams.

 

 

 

ooh excitement…

taking friday off from this ridiculous job!!

long weekend…spent with people that will make me unbelievably happy!

 

but…

that means im not going home this weekend for father’s day…

im a horrible daughter…

im sure my father wil remind me of this tonight…and in the future..

 

i miss my brother…after last weekend i now know how much he really does need me…

it isnt fair he has to handle it all on his own…

 

i’ll go back soon…as much as i try to run from there…i realized i’ll never be able to escape it…

 

im gonna deal with all that later…

now…im counting the hours til the weekend… i.e. no working! –only 2 more hours!

 

…theres no pain…

It seems unreal to believe that Im doing fine..

Im guess Im just getting good at this kind of thing…

 

Distractions help too…

 

 

a quote can say it all…

————————————

 

It sucks when people you know become people you knew, When you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life. How you used to be able to talk for hours and now you can barely look them in the eye. & when you think everything’s going perfect, it all goes wrong. It breaks your heart when good things change and there’s nothing you can do about it.   There are things we easily forget. People we think are easily replaceable. Relationships we throw away because we think it’s not worth our time & effort. And then there are those that we can’t let go at all, no matter how bad the memories were. We hang on to them because when all is said & done, when people finally left & relationships weaken, memories are all we would ever have   That was so much like him, just to come over here on a totally random night and after barely speaking to me for months and months, just pick up where he left off completely messing with my mind.   I’ve been lonely tonight. I’ve been fighting the urge to text him & tell him I miss him; I don’t want him to know anymore. I wonder if he misses me at all or if he’s just happy I’ve finally let him go. It’s easiest when I don’t see him, I won’t deny that, but I just want to be able to see him without it hurting. I don’t want him out of my life forever; I don’t want him to forget me. He was my first love & I was his; that’s got to mean something, right?   The true test of love: no matter how long you two go without talking, he’ll always find a way back into your heart. no matter how hard you try to forget him, you cant.

i cant help but wonder…

Can you get to a future if your past is present?

 

 

In past relationships….Do we search for lessons learned to "lessen" the pain?

 

 

What hurts more?
Thinking you should hate him?
Or knowing that you don’t?

 

 

 

——————————

 

 

 

i cant help but think about….the things i used to write…

 

 

 

Its been a long time since the first times.

The first time we met..

to the first time we kissed..

to our first fight..

our first good-bye..

our first tears..

to the last "I love you."

People say you never realize what you have until you lose it. In a way..they’re right.

But I never took you for granted because I knew any day I could wake up and you would be gone. I just hoped so much it wouldn’t be for a very long time.

But now I miss all those things I never really noticed..

Like how much I miss your hands holding mine..

I miss your smile..

No matter what was going wrong, all you had to do was give me that smile of yours and somehow i knew everything was going to be all right.

I hadnt seen that smile in forever.

I just keep hoping I’ll see it again so I can have that feeling that everything is going to be all right again.

I’m not all right. I’m anything but okay right now.

I just keep wondering if I’m ever on your mind.

Or if you ever miss my smile too.

I wonder if you ever wake up in the middle of the night thinking about coming back.

I miss you so much.

There’s nothing I can say that would ever make you understand just what you mean to me.

I want more than anything to see your smile again knowing it’s for me..

I need something to hang on to.

I need you..