…theres no pain…

It seems unreal to believe that Im doing fine..
Im guess Im just getting good at this kind of thing…
Distractions help too…
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a quote can say it all…


It sucks when people you know become people you knew,
When you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life.
How you used to be able to talk for hours and now you can barely look them in the eye.
& when you think everything’s going perfect, it all goes wrong.
It breaks your heart when good things change and there’s nothing you can do about it.


There are things we easily forget.
People we think are easily replaceable.
Relationships we throw away because we think it’s not worth our time & effort.
And then there are those that we can’t let go at all,
no matter how bad the memories were.
We hang on to them because when all is said & done,
when people finally left & relationships weaken,
memories are all we would ever have


That was so much like him,
just to come over here on a totally random night
and after barely speaking to me for months and months,
just pick up where he left off
completely messing with my mind.


I’ve been lonely tonight. I’ve been fighting the urge to text him & tell him I miss him; I don’t want him to know anymore. I wonder if he misses me at all or if he’s just happy I’ve finally let him go. It’s easiest when I don’t see him, I won’t deny that, but I just want to be able to see him without it hurting. I don’t want him out of my life forever; I don’t want him to forget me. He was my first love & I was his; that’s got to mean something, right?


The true test of love: no matter how long you
two go without talking, he’ll always find a way
back into your heart. no matter how hard you try
to forget him, you cant.



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i cant help but wonder…

Can you get to a future if your past is present?
In past relationships….Do we search for lessons learned to "lessen" the pain?
What hurts more?
Thinking you should hate him?
Or knowing that you don’t?
i cant help but think about….the things i used to write…

Its been a long time since the first times.

The first time we met..

to the first time we kissed..

to our first fight..

our first good-bye..

our first tears..

to the last "I love you."

People say you never realize what you have until you lose it. In a way..they’re right.

But I never took you for granted because I knew any day I could wake up and you would be gone. I just hoped so much it wouldn’t be for a very long time.

But now I miss all those things I never really noticed..

Like how much I miss your hands holding mine..

I miss your smile..

No matter what was going wrong, all you had to do was give me that smile of yours and somehow i knew everything was going to be all right.

I hadnt seen that smile in forever.

I just keep hoping I’ll see it again so I can have that feeling that everything is going to be all right again.

I’m not all right. I’m anything but okay right now.

I just keep wondering if I’m ever on your mind.

Or if you ever miss my smile too.

I wonder if you ever wake up in the middle of the night thinking about coming back.

I miss you so much.

There’s nothing I can say that would ever make you understand just what you mean to me.

I want more than anything to see your smile again knowing it’s for me..

I need something to hang on to.

I need you..






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…please tell me…

i dont know what you want…
i dont know what to do…
i give..i try…
i get nothing from you…
i need a clear answer as to what youre thinking…
you walk into my life and turn in upside down…
take me back nine months in time…
and leave me with less than a simple good night…
all i get now is a distant and cold slight resemblance of a barely friend…
was that night all for nothing?
should i chalk it up simply as a night that should have happened six months ago so you were merely righting your wrongs?
what did it mean to you?
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in….the one little word changes everything…

i really wish i didnt have to be reminded of what in love is…
i thought love was enough till i remembered…
the comparison kills me…
and its all i think about…
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what to do…

i really wish when you walk into my life you’d stay…
losing you hurts…
reminders of what i missed so much..
i wish in some form or another we could stay around for each other…
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I love him…and i didnt think it would ever happen for me again…
it was right there all along too..
i think im ready to let go of the past and build my future with him….
update…it was love but not the same kind… im not sure i can ever let go either…
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